Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
