I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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