Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
