No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
