bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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