Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
