The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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