her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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