i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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