I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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