what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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