I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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