she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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