I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How's work?
Spinning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
