Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
