Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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