My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
