Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
