Life is so much better after having sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
