You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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