I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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