My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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