I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
