Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
