You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
