My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
