I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
