I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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