is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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