I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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