so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
