my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
