New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
