i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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