whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
