I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
