I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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