Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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