No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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