I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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