Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
