my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
