I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
