Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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