You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
