whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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