I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
