hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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