Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
