she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
