We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
