so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
