You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Actions speak louder than pants.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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