my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
