I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
