I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize