i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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