Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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