a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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