I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
