i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
