I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to calm my uterus...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
