i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
