If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
