id be glad to
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
