my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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