your room smells of hookers.
And success
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
