At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
