we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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