I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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