Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
