well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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