I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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