I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think my vagina is haunted
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Boobs speak an international language.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
