No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
