Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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