just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
