Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
