I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
