thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
