I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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