Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
