Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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