i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
