Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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