I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
